


an ache in the way you love me

by knightinpinkunderwear



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, POV First Person, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Prose Poem, Season/Series 04, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-19 18:52:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightinpinkunderwear/pseuds/knightinpinkunderwear
Summary: Lee follows Ed after he tries to confess his feelings.This is a 1st person narrated poemish thingy
Relationships: Edward Nygma/Leslie Thompkins
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	an ache in the way you love me

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: this is heavy and deals with drug abuse and suicide

You wormed your way into my life with quiet urgency.

Damaged and trying to make up for it in bravado and glitter.

And soon I could not think of this wretched bar without you in it,

I could not think of my little corner of the Narrows without hearing your snarky comments and feeling the roll of your eyes.

You started to become the man I thought I knew -

a very long time ago now it seems.

I like who you are becoming,

Sarcasm, bitterness, and genuine concern for others deep down.

But then you come to see me,

and there's something in your eyes.

you can't tell me

But I know.

_I know._

You flee, running from the room as if you can run from this vulnerability.

So I look for you.

You aren't at the bar,

Or the clinic,

Or bribing children outside,

Or in your room.

But there's pieces of you there,

pieces that make the picture clearer.

There are pill bottles on the table,

Their orange bodies and white caps smirk,

no doubt stolen from the clinic

or from a second pharmacy raid.

But what use do you have for them?

For antipsychotics and amphetamines?

I worry about you, I can't help it

Despite everything between us,

You've wormed your way into my heart

Even after Kristen...

The guilt makes me almost as sick

as sick as knowing now how you've been hiding

hiding and suffering

how could I not notice?

How I could call myself your friend and not know?

I look for you with new urgency,

I find you in a stairwell.

A noose secured about your neck,

shouting at thin air.

Your hair is wild

You don't see me, three flights up.

 _"It's the only way!"_ you sob,

Then you step forward

then you fall.

And I'm following you

Running with urgency in my veins

I miss a stair, crashing down

my ankle pulls and pains

I get up and keep going

I reach you

and it hurts more when you fight

more than losing an engagement

more than my ankle

more than the guilt from what I've done

you don't want to be saved

But I can't not save you

I can't let you die

I can't lose you

So I grab you, ignoring how you kick and scream

Ignoring how awful your shouts sound with the rope cutting into your throat

Then we're sitting on the stairs

You're still struggling against me

scared that you'll hurt me

not understanding that dying is the worst way you can hurt me

because despite our history

I care about you.

Greif churns in my stomach as you stop trying to break free

And you're crying into my shoulder

gross, wheezing sobs

intermixed with words that hurt with a horrifying ache.

But above all

I am relieved

I looked for you

and I found you

You are here with me

I won't have to bury you yet.

You're here and you are just as damaged as me

You're here, crying into my shoulder

and you love me.

No one has ever loved me this way

I know it is horrible

But some part of me is impressed

You would have killed yourself to keep me safe.

For this, I will make sure that you do not

I can't let you die

because you love me

and I like who you're becoming

and I can help you

and deep down

somewhere...

I love you too

**Author's Note:**

> I was aching for some nice poem pain


End file.
